it’s what I do

I went back to work today.  I worried and fretted about Max the whole time.  I got aggravated at customers who wouldn’t let me finish a sentence.  I stressed out about getting all of my responsibilities done, and done well.  I laughed at the complete randomness of Marcia and I’s amazing collaboration of minds.  I got lost inside the lives of the characters in one of my favorite shows.  I ate too much lunch and wasn’t hungry for a “real” dinner.  I had nachos for dinner.  I got frustrated at Max.  I called Max the most stubborn soul I know, which if you know my sister is saying something.  I felt blessed to have my mom available.  I missed seeing my dad before he left for work.  I felt like a loser for still living with my parents.  I laughed at myself for caring so much about “societal norms”.  I’m happy.  I flirted.  I’m tired.  I loathe the morning to come, and early.  I’m scared about Max’s diagnosis Thursday.  I miss my brother and sister.  I didn’t get to read, and I wanted to.  I wasn’t in the mood to read.  I found much pleasure in my coffee.  I felt needed.  I feel loved.  I made connections.  I laughed.  I love.  I felt creative.  I was proud.  I felt useless.  I was furniture.  I heard some Foxxy Shazam.  I hit someone with my shoe, twice.  I found the way, Hemingway that is.  I was excited about a book choice a customer made.  He listened to what I had to say about it, that made me feel special.  I smiled because of a text.  I made someone smile because of a text.  I’m comfortable.  I share.

we’ll see

4:00 am- I wasn’t sleeping soundly. I could here him pacing, restless as the pain grows. Maybe he could relax on the bed. I squat to wrap my arms around his quivering form. Whimpers. Nope, I’m not going to be able to pick him up now. My only option is his pain pills. Disguised in cheese, Max gulps down his hopeful relief. We curl up on the floor, Max calming down as the pills effects course through his displeasure. I stroke his soft coat and murmur soft made up songs about his pain draining into me.
9:28 am- feeling better. Hopefully it lasts.

10:11 pm- Max is doing well, he’s only cried once today. He’ll get another pain pill at 11 so he can have another one at 7 tomorrow morning. I’m ok for getting to bed late and rising early just as long as he has a pain free night. He’s been so happy without pain, his usual sweet self. Here’s to a good night and a better morning!

Bad day

Max came and snuggled up next to me early this morning. I knew something was wrong, but I was still asleep so I just patted him and snuggled back. Then he shifted and belted out the most heart-wrenching non-stop cries of pain. Needless to say that I was wide awake then. He cried and cried wanting me to comfort him but then shying away from my touch. I was unable to help him, my Maxy, my love, my best friend. He settled a bit and cried out a few more times, breaking my heart each time and scaring me beyond any fear I’ve ever experienced. I decided that it was time to go to the emergency pet hospital. I tried a couple times to pick him up but he cried every time and I couldn’t stand hurting him more even if it was to help. But, Max being the strongest living soul I know was able to push the pain away so that I could lift and carry him to the car. I was a mess of tears, worry, and anxiety. Max was in pain, but stoic. And my mom was my rock, my support. The vet couldn’t find any one source of the pain and figured like us that it’s arthritis and allergies. She gave him a sedative injection and a bottle of pain pills, with orders for a follow up at his vet for later in the week for blood work and hopefully some good news of pain free days to come. My poor Max was loopy and drunk acting from the sedative, but he was feeling no pain. He would wobble and stare off into nothing, and plop down his butt. I had to laugh, I had already cried so much. It almost felt the same. So Max slept, then paced, slowly and as if in a daze. He had his first pain pill and is sleepy but not loopy anymore, and he doesn’t seem to be in pain, which is the real issue. Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

productivity

Want to see what I’ve done today?

First thing this morning I broke in my new easel that I bought last night, it’s pretty nice, it folds up and slides right into it’s handy little travel sack. I started the new series of paintings that I spoke of earlier. Seven in all. The base color I painted on using a natural sponge, way more fun than a paint brush. I left those out to dry and started on my next project, baking.

I made a snicker doodle cake with cinnamon cream cheese frosting! I found the recipe on Pinterst and finally had time to make it today, and it’s OH! SO GOOD! As a side note, the gnome is in the picture of the finished cake because my mom and I are working on a gnome themed cookbook. It should be epic.

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After I baked the cake I went about stenciling on the words I had picked for my paintings. Stenciling looks easier than it is, but it was fun, and I think I improved by the last one. For the next two canvases I was thinking about a mixed media piece. I’d pick out a couple quotes I really love and partly stencil, then add some of the used stencils, and some scrabble tiles- kind of all hodge-podge/mixed-matched. Also I would like to experiment painting with tennis balls. Ideally my own studio/shed would be best for this but I’ll make do with what I have.

I wanted to make some scrabble tile and beer bottle cap coasters today, also things I had seen on Pinterest, but I didn’t have all the supplies I needed, so that will have to wait until my next crafty day.

I did however take an old t-shirt and turn it into a fancy off the shoulder ruffled top, a quick how-to I also found on Pinterest (if you haven’t noticed yet, I have an addiction to Pinterest). I haven’t even tried that on yet, but it looks cute and I’m optimistic about it, I mean it’s still a t-shirt, it can’t be uncomfortable!

Finally I forced myself to put the rest of my room back together. It was a dusty job, but it needed to be done. All in all I believe today to be quite productive. It’s early evening so maybe I have time left to read some “The Art of Racing in the Rain” and maybe even write some in the story that my friend, Marcia Erickson and I are writing.