On the road again

soon!

Our departure is nearing and there is still so much to get done.

• ready the car
• decide which car
• get the suitcases out
• pack
• gather all the stuff to take
• ready the dogs
• work
• decide when we leave
• where we’re stopping
• pack whichever car we take
• leave

Each bullet can support it’s own list of secondary bullets if needed for further explanation.  And that’s just all the physical listings, don’t get me started on the emotional listings!  They’d take up a yellow rule lined note pad!

All in all I am excited about the trip.  It’s much needed, on multiple levels.  It will be stressful.  It will be fun.  And it is a chance to get out of here for a while.  Sometimes just a change in scenery helps clear the head of cobwebs, muck, and confusion.  But it’s family.  That’s the thing, it’s all about family.  I’ve come to realize that I not only need my family close, I want them close.  They are a part of my identity.  I’m not saying I want to live in the same house as them, forever.  Maybe not even the same street.  The same state, definitely, city? possibly.  I just need and want them close.

mantra

Stay busy, stay excited, stay happy.

I want to be put first.

Wedding, new dress, hair pretties, thoughts

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So here are some pictures of my hair, all done up thanks to Marcia, with the hair pretties I made to match the dress that I made.  There are also and couple of pictures of me in the dress that I made, with Marcia who was of course my smoking hot date for the wedding.

Let’s talk about weddings and marriage.  I don’t understand the institution of marriage.  I get it, I know why people do it but I don’t understand the need.  It just seems like a title that doesn’t do anything for the relationship other than tell other people about it and add a level of expectation that isn’t necessarily needed.  The way I see it, if you’re a part of a loving relationship/partnership and you are both equally happy and fulfilled and want to spend the rest of your lives together do it, why label it, change it, make it “official”.  What does all of that even mean?  The relationship doesn’t change when those things happen, I don’t see the point.  And as for weddings, those seem to be for all the wrong reasons.  Entertainment.  To appease people other than the two people involved.  I respect that it’s what some people want.  If they are doing this for themselves because they want to, then that’s great.  I support that and them.  But just to do it because it’s what is expected or deemed socially normal, no.  I don’t support that.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that if you’re happy, be happy.  If you’re happy and you want to celebrate, do it, however you see fit.  Just do it for yourselves, for your own good reasons.

Tie-dye at Night

This is the end result of tie-dying at night! Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

expectations

I’ve been told that I am intimidating.  I don’t see this, so I asked maybe it means that I expect too much.  Do I expect too much from people, from everything?  It’s very possible.  I try to be my best in most everything I do, I’m not saying that I’m perfect, I’m far from it, but I do try.  Of course I have my lazy days and my who gives a shit attitude about some things, but when it comes to projects, tasks, favors, or especially people (family and friends) I try to be my very best.  I guess I do expect the same from people.  Maybe it’s all subconscious and I project what I would do and expect it from them.  Sounds plausible, a little crazy, and more likely just me over thinking my over emotional self.

Maybe it’s an over active imagination problem.  I do have the tendency to build things up in my mind that are so magnificent and awe inspiring that it would almost be impossible for anything or anyone to live up to.  That might be what I’m looking for though, the person who does live up to all that and more, who brings to life all the things that I’ve dreamed of.  Together all the things that I’ve over imagined would come to life completely fulfilling all my expectations.

Regardless the reasoning behind my thinking habits and my expectations in life and in people, and my not so constant but still familiar feeling of disappointment, I’m going to continue to think and act as I do.  That’s who I am, that’s what I do.  I feel that changing that wouldn’t be honest, it would be like giving up.