Bon Voyage!

Today I say farewell to My Sweetness. May happiness always find you. You will never be gone from my heart nor my life. I’ll miss you every day, but I’ll also be happy for you every day. I love you, friend, Marcia.

I should write Something

What I’m reading;

A Discovery of Witches – Deborah Harkness

Side Jobs – Jim Butcher

Thoughts;

I have an issue with the portrayal of relationships when there is a controlling male and submissive female, that as the audience we are meant to accept, root for, and follow suit.  This really bothers me.  I understand that what I’m reading is fantasy and that the character of a vampire is to be charming, seductive, powerful, and controlling it’s what makes them scary and fascinating and let’s face it, sexy (most of the time).  The thing is, in most of these stories there is a strong willed, powerful, independent woman who drastically changes character and becomes a submissive, meek, quivering girl.  What kind of message does that send to the reader?  To impressionable readers.  That a controlling relationship is acceptable and should be sought after?  That being strong willed, powerful, and independent leaves you alone?  The only way to happiness is to submit to a charismatic powerful male?  Really?!  Bullshit.  I’m sorry but seriously?!  I don’t give blame to Butcher when it comes to these points.  His portrayal of vampires and mixed relationships never condone the uneven power, and he constantly reminds the readers just how bad, evil, and untrustworthy the villains are in his stories.

 

What I’ve been doing;

This past week I’ve been working, mostly in the cafe where I haven’t worked this much consecutively since last October.  It’s been different.  I’ve liked not really having to worry about what to wear and how nice I look.  Which is kind of sad but let’s face it, all over black clothes and drinks spilled all over you while you sweat constantly due to ovens, espresso machines, and crazy spot light like lighting, isn’t very glamorous.  It’s also been nice to work with friends I hardly ever get to, and to see regular customers that I miss seeing.  Other than that work is just work.

 

What’s been on my mind;

Change.  Stagnant.  I feel coiled, as if I’m ready to pounce.  My emotions have been having a virtual field day with me lately.  Drawing up wells of bitter scorn, swallowing sadness, hulk like rage, and utter confusion.  I’ve lost my temper on good people and friends, I’ve idly brooded over paranoid suspicions, and I’ve been non-existent mentally.  I’m coming out of it though.  Yesterday I wasn’t a emotional zombie.  I’ve got some more work to do in my mind but I’ll be fine.  Mainly I just need to re-learn patience.  I can’t want something to happen and just expect it to follow suit because of my wants.  Instant gratification, not for me.  I need to work on getting my finances, goals, and life together.  Figuring out how to get what I want should start taking up most of my mental and physical time.  Right now books and favorite movies have been hogging those two because I needed easy escapes from my emotional war.  Now that I’m getting control over that I can start rationing out more time else where.

 

What I found this morning

In an ad sheet, in the morning paper there was a small drawing. This drawing is wise. It advises me to “Think Wisely.
Drink Wisely.”
The drinking wisely thing isn’t really an issue, but the thinking wisely part is. Thank you tiny owl for your powerful words of wisdom. And thank you Universe for yet another sign.

Home is where the heart is. I’m either a gypsy with a traveling heart or I have no heart.

I’m back. My trip was great. My family is amazing, I love them. I hate living so far away from my siblings. It was hard to leave. I don’t necessarily like that town or even state, but if it’s where my family is I’ll live there. Maybe that’s the trick to it all, live someplace that is just mediocre and then spend lots of time traveling and visiting the really great fantastic places! Balance. Stable nomading. A gypsy with roots.

On the road again

soon!

Our departure is nearing and there is still so much to get done.

• ready the car
• decide which car
• get the suitcases out
• pack
• gather all the stuff to take
• ready the dogs
• work
• decide when we leave
• where we’re stopping
• pack whichever car we take
• leave

Each bullet can support it’s own list of secondary bullets if needed for further explanation.  And that’s just all the physical listings, don’t get me started on the emotional listings!  They’d take up a yellow rule lined note pad!

All in all I am excited about the trip.  It’s much needed, on multiple levels.  It will be stressful.  It will be fun.  And it is a chance to get out of here for a while.  Sometimes just a change in scenery helps clear the head of cobwebs, muck, and confusion.  But it’s family.  That’s the thing, it’s all about family.  I’ve come to realize that I not only need my family close, I want them close.  They are a part of my identity.  I’m not saying I want to live in the same house as them, forever.  Maybe not even the same street.  The same state, definitely, city? possibly.  I just need and want them close.

mantra

Stay busy, stay excited, stay happy.

I want to be put first.

Wedding, new dress, hair pretties, thoughts

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So here are some pictures of my hair, all done up thanks to Marcia, with the hair pretties I made to match the dress that I made.  There are also and couple of pictures of me in the dress that I made, with Marcia who was of course my smoking hot date for the wedding.

Let’s talk about weddings and marriage.  I don’t understand the institution of marriage.  I get it, I know why people do it but I don’t understand the need.  It just seems like a title that doesn’t do anything for the relationship other than tell other people about it and add a level of expectation that isn’t necessarily needed.  The way I see it, if you’re a part of a loving relationship/partnership and you are both equally happy and fulfilled and want to spend the rest of your lives together do it, why label it, change it, make it “official”.  What does all of that even mean?  The relationship doesn’t change when those things happen, I don’t see the point.  And as for weddings, those seem to be for all the wrong reasons.  Entertainment.  To appease people other than the two people involved.  I respect that it’s what some people want.  If they are doing this for themselves because they want to, then that’s great.  I support that and them.  But just to do it because it’s what is expected or deemed socially normal, no.  I don’t support that.  I guess all I’m trying to say is that if you’re happy, be happy.  If you’re happy and you want to celebrate, do it, however you see fit.  Just do it for yourselves, for your own good reasons.

Tie-dye at Night

This is the end result of tie-dying at night! Not too shabby if I do say so myself.