expectations

I’ve been told that I am intimidating.  I don’t see this, so I asked maybe it means that I expect too much.  Do I expect too much from people, from everything?  It’s very possible.  I try to be my best in most everything I do, I’m not saying that I’m perfect, I’m far from it, but I do try.  Of course I have my lazy days and my who gives a shit attitude about some things, but when it comes to projects, tasks, favors, or especially people (family and friends) I try to be my very best.  I guess I do expect the same from people.  Maybe it’s all subconscious and I project what I would do and expect it from them.  Sounds plausible, a little crazy, and more likely just me over thinking my over emotional self.

Maybe it’s an over active imagination problem.  I do have the tendency to build things up in my mind that are so magnificent and awe inspiring that it would almost be impossible for anything or anyone to live up to.  That might be what I’m looking for though, the person who does live up to all that and more, who brings to life all the things that I’ve dreamed of.  Together all the things that I’ve over imagined would come to life completely fulfilling all my expectations.

Regardless the reasoning behind my thinking habits and my expectations in life and in people, and my not so constant but still familiar feeling of disappointment, I’m going to continue to think and act as I do.  That’s who I am, that’s what I do.  I feel that changing that wouldn’t be honest, it would be like giving up.

New Project

Colors for my next dress!

I’m really excited about this dress, I did want it to be a maxi dress, but I only bought one yard of fabric, because I’m trying to be frugal here, so a short dress it shall be.

I love the colors! I hope I don’t screw it up! I plan on wearing it to my friend Ashley’s wedding on the 9th. Marcia is my hot date for the evening so I must look my best.

Finished!
Add sexy black heels and bring on the wedding!

breaking point

The time for my annual summer vacation looms near.  I use loom because this year it isn’t feeling like a vacation at all.  In fact, in conversation I refer to it as “vacation”, air quotes a must.  There’s just so much going on now and even more when I’m there.  The stress is building and there’s only a dam, no release in sight.  My head is full of work stress, relationship stress, friendship stress, family stress, and me stress!  They are becoming blurred.  It’s like they’re interbreeding, creating new hybrid stresses for me to consume, or to consume me.  Food usually helps, and still does, when I have an appetite for it.  Books have lost their escape qualities and movies are only temporary.  There is no long term solace or solution to be seen in my harbor of stress and worry.  I don’t mean to whine or bitch, I’m dealing, I know many more people have it ten times worse than this.  I just fear I’m nearing my breaking point.  I don’t know what that will be or what will come if I do break.  It’s uncertain and it’s life.  I guess I should just live it up.

Me Day

Today is a ME day, I’m staying in my pajamas and doing as little as I want and as much as I want, when I want to or don’t want to.
I have read for a bit, talked for a bit, I’m brewing iced tea and getting ready to paint my nails and eat Godiva chocolate cheesecake for lunch.
I would like to read some more, maybe nap, stretch in the sun a bit more, and just veg out.
This is very much needed and appreciated.

THANKS! To my Sweetness, Marcia, for the lovely Muppet video! Made my Me Day! You’re the best!

My nap was a success! I also got to be outside a bit more while I read some more. I watched a few episodes of Angel and then watched “My Week With Marilyn”.

It’s been a tremendous ME day! Thanks to everyone that helped make that possible.

to be

To be understood

To be admired

To be fawned over

To be cared for

To be wanted

To be listened to

To be needed

To be a reference

To be motivation

To be support

To be kindling

To be the fire

To be a confidant

To be a friend

To be a lover

To be devoured

To be pined for

To be pampered

To be loved

To be the one

 

Good Day

What a good day!
It makes me excited for tomorrow!
Thanks!

what’s best

Doing what’s best.  Maybe not the easiest.  Maybe not the hardest path either.  Not necessarily what you want, but need.  What’s right.  It’s all so multidimensional.  Layered.  Living in the moment, that’s what needs to be done.  How can we plan for the future, if we’re in the moment?  We must have a plan.  I would like to have a plan.  I have rough ideas, hopes and aspirations.  Plans?  Goals?  No.  Not me.  Maybe I’ll get there, in this moment.  Nah.  Getting out of my head to even acknowledge the moment is something.  I’m young.  How is it that trying to figure out what you want is the hard part?  Maybe it isn’t.  Maybe we figure that out so quickly we don’t realize, and it’s the how do I get that, or how will that effect everyone and everything else that stumps us.  That, I think is my problem.  Since everything is so interconnected, no one want or decision is ever simple.  The track that I’ve started to set up for myself is what’s best for me.  It’s not going to be easy or simple, but it’s what is needed.  My focus must shift, and my ambitions must be met.  It’s time.  Now I’m not saying if the universe wants to throw something in the mix that I’m not expecting or focusing on that I’ll ignore it and move past on my path.  Not at all.  I’m hoping the idea that when you stop looking for something, it finds you actually happens.  It would make some of my life easier.  Not that, that part of my life will ever be easy.  My fault probably.  But still, easy, simple, who wants that?  Happiness.  That’s what I want.  I’m easy to please, so this shouldn’t be too difficult.  Let’s do it!

resolution

I’ve never had a problem with alcohol.  I’ve always had a problem with my mind being crazy and on it’s own agenda.  And I’ve never had a problem with them both, nothing that I couldn’t handle.  Until last night.  So now since my mind is a minefield of emotions, outbursts, and confusion I’m refraining from alcohol induced states.  A single drink here or there is fine, especially if it is to help me sleep, but no more mixed drinks followed by champagne, followed by three consecutive shots of whiskey, followed by too many swisher sweets.  I’d really prefer to keep what sanity I have and work through my mind minefield first. Thanks universe for giving me a heads up before I could do any real damage 🙂

Girl’s Day!

Right, so I’m super pumped for today because it’s Girl’s Day! That’s right, manicures and pedicures first to help further celebrate a friend’s graduation, then onto food, drinks, movies, and tv! It’s a little geeky for girls but whatevs, it’s going to be AMAZING!
First though, a bath for Max.

The First

I can’t even tell you how many times I have listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles.  But it wasn’t until last night, driving home after having a beer with some amazingly awesome people did I actually hear it.  Talk about a life changing moment!  Brilliant.