Morning. Conversations. Thoughts. Confusion. Emotions. Decisions. Worry. Scared. Unknown. Drama. Happiness. Smile. Blush. Guilt. Wants. Needs. Desires. Truth. Honesty. Passion. Coffee. Clothes. Flirt. Confiding. Friend. Lost. Alive. Unashamed. Sad. Unsure. Idiot. Beer. Secrets. Excitement. Peace. Sleep. Eager. Damaged. Healing. Ready. Frightened. Upset. Loved. Care. Talk. Acknowledge. Attention. Relationship. Stagnant. Dedication. Loyalty. Moral. Love. Hope. Please. Help. Thanks. Work. Play. Write. Read. Learn. Value. Interests. Building. Budding. Losing. Winning. Mediocre. Inadequate. Lacking. Emotional. Intimidated. Similarities. Flattery. New. Swim. Yoga. Water. Tea. Food. Appetite. Change. Next. World. Family. Where. Why. How. Time. Leaving. Returning. Achievement. Step. Big. Looming. Money. Life.
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
9 May
man shoulders
I have man shoulders. This makes it very difficult to try on and not be picky about dresses. I get stuck in anything that isn’t stretchy or flowy. I got stuck, momentarily, in two dresses today! They were both adorable, and perfect for the wedding I am going to in June, but alas, my big ‘ol man shoulders ruined that for me.
I finally get to see The Avengers today! Woo! Joss Whedon!
Friend. Friends. Friendship. I looked up the definition of friendship in my dictionary today and it’s a lame ass definition, it was something like, a person you like. Seriously? That’s all they’ve got?! Unacceptable! I must research and create a better definition for a project that I just thought up this morning, while doing my yoga in the nude. More to come on the friend definition later.
I wrote down somethings yesterday that haven’t left my head in over three years. It was very liberating and it made for a great day. I didn’t like so much sharing some of the memories or thoughts, but it was nice to get them out of my head. It was time for them to leave. I also read through the first chunk of the story that Marcia and I are writing and it is SO great! I laughed and giggled and thoroughly enjoyed myself. We really should keep writing. I find I am a much better and carefree writer when I write with someone, like this journaling back and forth thing, than I ever was just writing for myself. I’m too much of a critic of my own writing. It took my an hour to write an about me paragraph for this blog! The whole idea of a joint effort writing coalition makes things so much more laid back and easy. Yes there needs to be some major revisions and spelling checks and grammar checks and structure reconstruction, but all in all the story works. It’s entertaining and well I like it because it’s filled with inside jokes and reeks of Marcia and I.
5 May
yup
I wore my dress that I made yesterday! And I enjoyed it! At first when I put it on all I could do was pick out the flaws and huff and puff about it being imperfect. As I wore it, it grew on me, not literally, I don’t have to power to create life leeching outfits! But I ended up really liking my dress, and being very proud of myself for making something that I can actually wear and like. Go me!
It also sparked a wanted craft day! So that will be SUPER fun, when it finally happens!
I bought a new belt ( to wear with said dress) and it’s perfect. While I was at Kohls buying this belt I bought several other things as well. I got some wall art that was on clearance and a couple picture frames, one for me and one for my mom for Mother’s Day. Then after we get home we get a Kohls flyer in the mail with 30% off next go round. I’m thinking linen shorts and maybe a sun hat!
We also got the Taco Grande Pizza from Papa Murphy’s! AMAZING!
Alas, I go back to work today.
I did however finish One Day and The Rum Diary, and I’ve just started Suburban Safari and Unfamiliar Fishes. Wish me luck!
3 May
morning
Morning should be quiet. As little talking and noise as possible. So I might seem like I’m not a morning person or that I’m just a bitch but really I’m just enjoying the serenity of silence.
That will be my favorite part of my day when I have the cafe. Morning. Early morning. Early early morning. Just me and Max, baking and relishing the calm quietness of predawn.
Now, any pleasure I get out of my mornings is when I can sit and drink my coffee or tea while reading, writing, or eating. Sometimes, on special mornings it’s all three, or even better is when I bake. Like today.
Cranberry Scones!
2 May
love
I found love in laughter.
That’s not anything new.
If you can make me laugh, you find a place in my heart.
Love courses through me when I laugh.
A silly conversation leads to a realization that I’m in love.
There is no love without laughter.
Equal in power.
Laugh
Love
I want to laugh and love with you everyday, I want that!
Eyes are the window to one’s soul? No. Laughter is the window to my soul.
Make me laugh, love me.
I’ll make you laugh and love you forever.
1 May
crafty crafty crafty
Things I did today:
- drank Twinnings Earl Grey tea
- caught up with Pinterest
- started a scrapbook for Max
- talked to my sister
- talked to my brother
- finished the scrapbook for Max
- made 2 mix cds
- finished Let’s Pretend This Never Happened
- watched some NCIS
- stenciled ‘no worries’ on one of my latest painted canvases
- uploaded pictures of everything I did today, and posted them
29 Apr
Decisions
How do we make decisions, what do we base them on, what’s the process? I know we are said to be self-centered, which I believe to be mostly true. But what about big decisions that effect more than just you? Factors like other people involved can effect the balance of decision making. Does that mean when it’s all said and done that it wasn’t a decision made for yourself but for others, or do we always have the final say?
Decisions made “selfishly” aren’t bad or wrong, if anything they are probably the most honest ones. They can be hurtful and devastating. And they can be joyful and inspiring.
Decisions made “selflessly” aren’t dishonest. They aren’t even really selfless. What you want will come out either consciously or subconsciously, it will be heard.
Desire is the cornerstone of decision making in my opinion. It’s basic and primary, most times we don’t even realize all the decisions we make constantly. Big decisions bring our morals and desires into sharp focus. How we see our big decisions played out showcase our character. No wonder stress and confusion are always so prevalent in big decision making.
27 Apr
two years
Alright, so I feel the need to buckle down, pay off debt, save up and start my life(?). The question mark implies, what the fuck have I been doing these last 27 years?! The paying off debt is a must and is a total ‘duh’ and the saving up part makes sense because let’s face it, I can do better than this. I need to start a savings account so I don’t even have the option, or I make myself take cash out every week, and not spend it? Doubtful, savings account it is. Should I start that now, or after the summer trip home, I’ll need some extra cash at home but I should start saving now. But May is already filling up with commitments that cost money, how can I save up and pay off but still be social and have fun? Damn you money!
The start living my life statement, bothers me. I mean I feel that I have been living my life or a version of it, just because I don’t have any real “accomplishments” doesn’t mean I’m not living right? I graduated college, I’ve been working since, I had rented my own apartment at one time, I own a car. I’m in a relationship. I have a best friend/dog. I’m happy.
Job/career/calling/what I was born to do/my life’s ambition- way too much pressure. I’m tired of working for people, I’ve known for a long time that I want my own business, to be my own boss. I just need to find the strength/courage/idea of how to do that, and then DO IT. How does one start their own business? Where do I even begin?
Where do I want to be? Right now I have two options, here or home. Neither one I’m particularly in love with, is that because I’m not really doing what I want to there? Perhaps. Or it could be that I’m a gypsy and I’m bred to roam. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been to France.
Two Years. That’s the time limit I’ve decided on. Let’s not call it a time limit, or a goal or a plan. How about it’s enough time to get things paid off and money saved and a business proposal written. I can’t label things, then they just fall apart under pressure.
The trick to this is not to get over whelmed, but to take on task after task slightly improving my situation and stepping towards the next thing for me. There’s much to be done, but I can only do one thing at a time. Which is fine, it’s alright. Everything’s going to be, alright.
dailyhb 